Can a Crystal make me Cat Woman?

Red Jasper

Red Jasper

Rose Quartz

Rose Quartz

Theory has it that the right crystal can make you rich, deflect assholes, heal that bad knee and put your mind into overdrive. I want one that makes me into Cat Woman! I’ve even read that crystals were used under the sea in Atlantis!

One of our favorite people in the world, Ashlee Vilos Prentice of Transfusion Hype Dance Co, has recently introduced us to the healing power of crystals. Now, I’m not sure what to think about it, but I’ll try almost anything.

Here’s a little overview to the crystals, from my perspective and in my own words. Some say crystal healing is a science and others say it is magic. As for me, I’ll take the magic.

Crystal healing becomes art when Ashlee selects a shape and turns it into jewelry, turning it into a portable doctor’s office hanging around your neck. Take that, health care reform!

Moonstone

Moonstone

The first important thing in regard to crystals is the shape. Our crystal expert, Ashlee, prefers the Merkaba, or star shape. Why? Because it can give you a force field of course! Force fields are not just for Jem, He-man and Thunder Cats any more. The second important thing is the type of stone, described below. Here’s the stones she likes working with and their “magical” power:

Rose Quartz – Sick of Hungry Man TV dinners consumed alone while watching Law and Order reruns? Get a Rose Quartz and attract a hot guy or gal, and recover from that bad break-up. Sexual healing!

Moonstone– Let’s face it, at that time of the month we all get a little cranky. So get a moon stone. It will also give you ESP!

Bloodstone– Find yourself in Satan’s grip? Bloodstone is the answer, it dispels evil. And once you get it, you will want to throw all your Black Sabbath and Judas Priest tapes in the trash.

Amethyst– Are you stumbling through life drunk? Throwing up on your friends? Amethyst, it’s not just purple, it helps you recover from addiction.

Amythest

Amythest

Agate– Cat got your tongue? Can’t think of what to say when someone cuts in front of you in the lunch line? Agate will heal your anger and help you speak up. Soon the words, “No Butt,” will be bursting from your lips.

Aventurine– This is the get-rich-quick stone. Nuff said.

White Jasper– The Eff You stone, it deflects negativity and sends those naysayers packing.

Smokey Quartz– Term paper due? Big presentation tomorrow? Cops caught on to your Ponzi scheme? Smokey quartz relieves stress and instills calm.

Clear Quartz– Is your energy constipated? Clear quartz is your energy laxative.

Labradorite– ‘Imagine all the people,” this stone enhances your imagination and makes John Lennon proud.

Ashlee’s beautiful crystal necklaces rang in price from $15 to $23. Drop us a note if you want us to make an introduction.

White Jasper

White Jasper

Clear Quartz

Clear Quartz

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